Soda Drinker Pro (PC) Review
Every once in a while, you encounter a game that makes you cock your head to the side, stare at the screen with a puzzled look on your face, and then just giggle and keep playing anyway. Soda Drinker Pro is just that kind of game.
As you might deduce from the title of the game, Soda Drinker Pro is a game about drinking soda (that’s pop for my fellow Midwesterners out there). It’s a game about drinking soda in a variety of fantastical locations around the world, up in space, and even inside the human body. Yup, it’s exactly as bizarre as it sounds, and then some. You play as a faceless character who is constantly possessed of a nicely sized cup of soda, fast food style with straw on top. Wherever you go, that soda goes with you, and darned if you don’t want to drink it too. In fact, drinking the soda is the object of the game. You begin each level with a full soda meter in the upper left corner of the screen – when your soda is empty, the level ends.
I know what you’re thinking – there must be some pretty difficult controls involved such an exhaustingly complicated game. You’re going to need to break out your mouse for this one. The left mouse button lifts your glass of soda to your unseen mouse. The right mouse button actually sips from said soda, slowly and methodically, oftentimes with slurping noises to accompany your blissful thirst quenching. In addition to all that drinking, you can actually move slowly around your environment as well, using the W, A, S, D or arrow buttons on your keyboard.
The environments themselves are comically simple, with text coming in the form of scribbles and scrawls, and graphic elements looking as they though they were hastily drawn on the back of a notebook during a particularly boring algebra class. The environments are boxy and spare, and generally pretty small. So why would you want to wander around them? For the bonus soda, of course. Each level features a number of bonus sodas, floating around in a variety of places, some easily seen and others hidden around a corner, floating in the air, or in otherwise tricky places.
You aren’t timed at all in Soda Drinker Pro, so you are welcome to wander the environment while slowly savoring the last sips of your soda, capturing bonus sodas along the way. Disappointingly, there isn’t any sort of bonus soda counter to track your finds, or any sort of points bonus (as far as I can tell, points have been completely foregone in Soda Drinker Pro, in favor of simply savoring the experience of drinking soda). You just get the joy of continuing to rink your soda as the words “BONUS SODAAAA!” reverberate through your speakers. And you’ll drink that soda in a plethora of places (102, to be exact). These range from the mundane (the beach, or the park), to the amazing (in spaaaaaaaace), to the absurd (on a human butt? on a giant carrot? Really?) All are drawn in the same simplistic, childish way, letting the oddity just wash over you.
One of the more amusing features of Soda Drinker Pro is the drawling, Jack Handy style voice that narrates each and every level. His calm, quiet voice will have you giggling as he croons such huh? inducing lines as “I wish I could eat that soda” and “I wish I could plant a soda and watch it grow.” The whole thing is just plain bizarre, and I challenge you to play it without laughing at how “amazing” every single thing is.
Soda Drinker Pro is a game that throws its oddball sense of humor in your face at every second, and I like that. Is it amazingly fun? Is it mind blowingly unique? Well, it’s different anyway. I can say with sincerity that it is, hands down, the finest soda drinking simulation I’ve ever played. Honestly, though, I’ve never played any other soda drinking sims, and it’s hard to compare it to other games. It’s more of an experience than a game, per se, because the whole thing is far more about humor and absurdity than any sort of skill or even goal oriented objective, and as such I find it impossible to score on a normal scale. And so – if you are looking for an experience that will make you laugh at its oddity, without expecting you to actually accomplish much of anything, Soda Drinker Pro is in a class all its own.