Posted October 30, 2014 by Amy in Movies

Sexina (DVD) Review


“You’re rocking me too hard!”

Oh, where to begin? As you may have surmised from its somewhat ridiculous name, Sexina is a bit of a campy film, designed to play on the standard formulas so much of our entertainment relies on. It stars Lauren D’Avella as Sexina, a hot pop star who moonlights as a crime fighting P.I., fighting corruption and all around badness in the music industry. Though she is one of the hottest musicians out there, no one seems to recognize her in her crime fighting role (perhaps the leather spandex she uses to fight crime has some sort of magical powers to distract from her face). At any rate, though she’s constantly discussing her ratings in the charts on the pop star side of things, as a crime fighter she’s all business, fighting ninjas and bribing informants like a boss.

Sexina’s current case involves a missing scientist. His daughter, for some unspecified reason, has decided to report his disappearance to Sexina’s crew rather than the police, and it’s up to them to uncover the plot that led to his kidnapping. It’s all terribly mysterious of course, but you’ll know early on that Glitz Records, the biggest name in music, is somehow involved. Oh, and something to do with robot boy bands. Hey, robots make everything better, right? As if all that isn’t enough, there’s a side story involving a lonely high school girl, bullied by her bitchy female classmates but secretly in love with the most popular guy in school. If she can just win the essay contest and get Sexina to perform at her school, her entire life will be transformed. It’s terribly realistic. And through it all, there is the acting. Oh, the acting. It would make a porn star proud, let me tell you – in fact, you’ll feel just like you’re watching a really bad porn flick, minus the sex. And as awful as that sounds, it’s just so funny.

Yes, Sexina truly is that ridiculous, but what pushes it over into awesomely bad is the little things. The quarterback who loves French poetry, the overly amorous gym teacher, the dude in the bear costume (it’s just…so perfect), and pretty much everything having to do with the boy band – it all just combines to make a film that will have you laughing your ass off with your buddies and having a great time. And that’s pretty much the definition of entertainment in my book.

* Note: I have chosen not to score this review, for a couple of reasons. I cannot in good conscience give it a score on par with such films as The Shawshank Redemption, as it is a truly terrible film. Just awful. Then again, I can’t give it a really low score, because it is also incredibly awesome – but only to that subset who can really appreciate a movie that is so bad it’s good. And it is. So bad (really bad) – and oh, so good.


U.S. Senior Editor & Deputy EIC, @averyzoe on Twitter, mother of 5, gamer, reader, wife to @macanthony, and all-around bad-ass (no, not really)