Posted March 31, 2014 by Adam in News

News From The Games Fiends Time Machine

Time Machine
Time Machine

We take the Time Machine we built next week to travel into the future to give *you* the latest ground breaking stories from across the games industry.

Hello Gamers! Or as you’ll be saying in 30 years time, “Hello there, I mean you no harm, I simply want to pass through without trouble… I’m putting my knife away slowly and I have some tinned beans that I’m willing to share with you in exchange for safe passage”

It’s good to see you again, there’s a lot we’ve missed while we’ve been scouring the future for all the latest juicy gossip… blue skies and clean drinking water for a start. But now that we’ve come back safely and slightly irradiated, it’s time for us to impart to you the wisdom from our travels. Marvel as we reveal to you news that is shocking… or perhaps stuff that you knew was coming anyway.

Here we go, starting chronologically:

  • Oct 2014 – Nintendo closes US and EU offices as it attempts to stave off bankruptcy.
  • Jan 2015 – Ocean relaunches after a successful Kickstarter campaign, begins development on five movie tie-in games for release on the PSN and Xbox Live. One of them is the upcoming Reese Witherspoon rom-com They Fall In Love, Break Up Over A Mis-Understanding But Get Back Together At The End Of The Film.
  • Feb 2015 – Ocean goes into administration.
  • May 2016 – Call of Duty franchise reboot begins, putting players on the front lines of the Anglo-Zulu War.
  • Sep 2016 – Nintendo launches the Nintendo Puu. The controller is a 23″ touchscreen TV through which you can stare directly into the gaming action. Features Mario games and a Legend of Zelda title. To preserve the family friendly nature of their company, no games can be coded in which any character is “killed, maimed or placed in any perilous danger”. EA confirm that Battlefield 6: Loud Noises will not be released for the Puu.
  • Feb 2017 – Call of Duty: Rorke’s Drift receives critical acclaim and sweeps the BAFTA awards in all catagories, including the newly created category “Best Representation of a Spear in a Game”.
  • Apr 2017 – Facebook buys itself for $18 billion. Zuckerberg plates himself in solid gold.
  • Jun 2018 – Valve confirm that they’re working on Half Life 3.
  • Nov 2019 – Gabe Newell uploads himself into the Steam client.  The US Government, deeming Gabe’s consciousness to be too powerful, requests that his code is split into two, with one half being placed into lockdown on the ISS which is now manned by reality TV contestants.
  • Aug 2020 – Having been found guilty of “commercial success”, Microsoft is fined 500 Trillion dollars by the European Union and is forced to load a splash page at the start of all Windows OS installations recommending other competing operating systems. It is made physically impossible for the users to actual install any Microsoft OS.
  • Nov 2024 – Following a high level attack on the ISS, the second part of Gabe’s code is released where it unites with the other half to become a powerful information demigod. Shenanigans ensue.
  • Dec 2025 – Where the **** is Half Life 3?

That’s all for now, join us last week where we’ll give you the inside scoop on what’s happening yesterday.

Actually I may have been time travelling too long, even I’m not sure that makes sense. Or it could be the radiation poisoning!


Playing games since I'd developed enough motor functions to hold a joystick. From Commodore 64 all the way through to the latest gen. Favourite games to play are FPS games and anything with a deep and compelling story and a world that draws you in. I also enjoy writing, film making and playing bass in whatever band will have me :)