Posted January 2, 2013 by Laurel Deneen in Features

Top 5 Worst Films of 2012


This year there were a large number of quality films released such as The Hobbit, Skyfall and The Avengers, and as a result movie theaters around the world have had one of the biggest years in recent history.  Unfortunately a number of really dismal films were released as well. Below are the 5 worst:



1.       Total Recall


The most surprising thing about this year’s remake of Total Recall is that out of the two attempts to bring the Philip K. Dick short story, We Can Remember It For You Wholesale, to the big screen, it’s the 1990s Verhoevan/Schwarzenegger version that comes across as the most conservative and restrained interpretation.

The film soaks you in choppy editing, overblown explosions, life and death jumps and gunfights to the point of attrition. At the end of the film there is literally no energy left to absorb the umpteenth action sequence. When you are given some respite from the noise and explosions, you are then plagued by ham-fisted dialogue, as demonstrated when Bill Nighy randomly turns up, talks a load of bollocks for five minutes and then promptly vanishes again. This highlights a real missed opportunity with Dick’s work, which is often a hybrid of head bending stories and wry humor. Both of which are sorely lacking here. Total Recall takes itself way too seriously and skims over the plot and Quaid’s dilemma of his fragmented identity in favor of more unnecessary chase sequences.

Instead of delivering a closer interpretation of Philip K. Dick’s work, this film is so badly constructed, messily executed and poorly delivered that I had to double check the credits to make sure Michael Bay definitely wasn’t involved. Now that it’s available to buy on Blu-Ray, our recommendation is to wait until it goes cheap in the sales and then watch the original instead.

(From our friend Adam Sweetman)



2. Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part


I will admit that I read the Twilight books I have no excuse for it other than my mother gave them to me and I became hooked (until Breaking Dawn where I literally threw down the book and thought WTF!?) Now, a lot has been said about the acting and the characters in the Twilight films and to a point it is a little overblown. Yes Kristin Stewart is not the best actress in the world but she isn’t the worst either and yes the story is overly dramatic, but on the same hand it’s meant for teenagers who are by definition dramatic. However the final chapter to the Twilight saga  leaves us with a kind of “what the heck did I just watch?” feeling. The storyline is odd to say the least, the acting of the main characters is more exaggerated, maybe trying to make up for the lack of emotions in the past? I’m not sure, but it does not work. In the end there is no lesson to be learned from the journey the characters take. Bella falls in love, gets left, has a breakdown, gets back together with her boyfriend, gets married, has a child and fights some other vampires. After five movies you hope for more return on the investment of your time and interest.



3. Dark Shadows

Tim Burton does some really interesting and exciting work (Nightmare Before Christmas, Big Fish) and then he does work like Dark Shadows. Yes it was meant to mock/honor the melodrama that was the famous 70s television show of the same name, but along the way it missed the mark completely. The comedy is awkward and the jokes are lowbrow leaving the audience unsatisfied and bored. Depp seems to phone in his performance of yet another quirky and misunderstood character, but instills the character of Barnabas Collins with no emotions at all. Which is a real disappointment seeing as the film had so much potential. A house full of monsters directed by Tim Burton should have been an easy win, especially with such an excellent cast.  Chloe Grace Moretz, Michelle Pfeiffer, Johnny Lee Miller and Helena Bonham Carter were all cast. It’s sad to see one of your favorite directors lose touch so completely, let’s hope his next project fairs better.



4. The Dictator


Sasha Baron Cohen is a great actor, he’s even on occasion a great comedian but his films have a very select audience and to be honest I am not sure who they are. The Dictator is supposed to be a surreal yet enchanting look at the adventures of a North African dictator but the film is not smart enough to be enchanting and to shticky to hit that note  of surrealism that they were obviously going for.  The premise had promise but for the most part you are left with an overwhelming sense of someone dropping the ball.



5.That’s My Boy

Once upon a time Adam Sandler made good films, no it’s true he even played a tortured 80s wedding singer with bad hair to perfection. Nowadays Sandler is making films like Hotel Transylvania and this gem. That’s My Boy is mean spirited, vulgar and tasteless and makes you wonder why someone would contribute money to produce it at all. Sandler is obviously trying to relive the glory days of Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore with this film but the script is horrible and the jokes only wish they could live up to that level.


Those are our picks, agree? Disagree?

Laurel Deneen

Lover of movies, television, theater, comics and general nerdery, Laurel hails from Minneapolis Minnesota. She has a geeky husband who requires more than the average amount of attention, a dog who thinks she's a dragon and she secretly longs to be a penguin.